10 Poor Reasons to do NaNoWriMo

It's that time! My yearly aversion to all online communities where I might see running wordcount updates every 29 minutes. Yes, that's right, it's National Novel Writing Month. You can try going to the website but it's likely it will run slow, since hundreds of writers are taking up bandwidth updating their word-count-o-meter instead of actually writing.

Okay, okay. Cynicism aside. People have asked me why I don't like NaNoWriMo. I like to write. I should love NaNoWriMo. Right? Write? Wrong!

Actually, in theory, I don't really mind the idea. I think it's a fine idea. The part that irks me is the reason that so many people do NaNo. So, since no one really cares what I think anyway, I'm going to write with reckless abandon about...

10 Very Poor Reasons to do NaNoWriMo

First, I'll go over the ones that are posted right on the NaNoWriMo FAQ.

Reasons 1-4: To actively participate in one of our era's most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.

Okay. I think these are all really poor reasons. But I'll respond one at a time.

1. Since when is NaNo one of "our era's" most enchanting anythings? Art forms? I'll let the art historians take this one. But I'm pretty sure not even Yoko Ono has been called enchanting.

2. No one ever said that any writer must obsess over quality. If you obsess over quality, first, at least you are interested in quality. Second, if obsessing is really interfering with your work regime, then maybe you should consider the possibility that something else needs attention. Obsessing over quality is, actually, in a lot of ways, the reason that novels that sell actually sell. Because the author is obsessed. I'm sorry. This reason just gets me, right in the solar plexus. It's basically suggesting you write 50,000 words of crap.

3. Really? Because I can't stand that person at parties.

4. I get it, these are all jokes. Ha ha ha! It's like a self-mockery. Obviously real authors take longer than 30 days to write novels. Because only brilliant masterminds like Stephenie Meyer can write books in less than 30 days (see? humor? I can do it too. Actually, Twilight took three months. Irony?).

But if the only reasons why NaNo's own official website can come up with are jokes making fun of itself, then... really, what is the point? To waste two hours a day writing 1666 words so that you can make fun of yourself? Then why do people take it so seriously?

Because people do have serious reasons for doing NaNo. It's true. And I can get behind some of them. Some people spend the summer planning and writing shorts and getting geared up for the big event in November. Some people, I don't know, hate going outside in November, because it's nasty and cold outside. Some people just like to say NANOWRIMO. This underhanded comment makes it seem like people who do NaNoWriMo have no aspiration to be "real novelists." What a load of bull. Anyone who has the interest in committing enough time to attempt 50,000 words wants to be a "real novelist" and saying that NaNo is some sort of weird mockery of "real novelists" is just a gross self-defeating "We don't really think we're writing novels here, really, stop criticizing us, we know you can't write a good novel in a month... but secretly we would like to be real novelists please be gentle."

So. That's my main contempt: With the NaNo thingy itself. The tradition and presentation. If you're going to be NaNoWriMo, be bold! Be specific! Say what you mean!

But instead, people come up with various other reasons to explain to me why they're really doing NaNo. Instead of saying what they really mean, like "I want to be a real writer and this is good practice and incentive" or "I want to get through my first 50,000 words to feel accomplished and build confidence," they say things like the following:

Poor Reason 5: Writing with other people makes me feel more motivated.

Okay. I get that. But you don't need to sign up with NaNo to take part in a forum of writers. The internet is FULL of people who are writing, every month of the year. You can find them everywhere. You don't have to wait until November. Just type "writing forum" or something similar into the Google and it will scour the internets for you. You'll like it.

Poor Reason 6: I've always wanted to write a novel, so I thought this was a good chance.

Props to you for wanting to write a novel. If everyone wanted to write a novel, we would never run out of great reads. However, if every novelist only needed a good chance to write their novel, a lot more people would have done it. You do not need to be given a chance to write a novel. That's right. Despite what you may think, you are actually capable of writing a novel at any time you so choose. You do not need it to be a specific month, you do not need an official event in which you sign up, and you do not need someone's permission. If you want to write a novel, why wait until November? Sit down and start NOW! (well, or whenever you want)

This applies to a lot of things, but I think people find it especially applies to writing, or making time for artistic, cathartic, expressive "hobbies." It's hard to make time in your life when you have school or a job or kids or all of the above. But really, it's not like the NaNo people call your boss and your kids and your teachers and tell them to leave you alone during November so you can write -- YOU make the decision. And the decision is yours to make at any time. Not just November.

Poor Reason 7: If I can write 50,000 words, I will have written a novel.

I guess there's no need to go into detail, but statistically, the average novel ranges from 75,000 words to 120,000 words. That means if you write 50,000 words... well, you do the math.

Poor Reason 7: If I can write 50,000 words, I can finish my manuscript.

This may be true, depending on the person. Some people can plow through 50,000 words and then plow through the next 50,000 words and then edit and work on it and go from there. But think of this as a marathon. Do you jump into a marathon without training? A lot of people jump into NaNo without training, and they end up exhausted at the end of 30,000 words, with barely enough stamina to get through the remaining 20,000... and you still have to finish the book. And that's only your rough draft. I still feel like I bashed my head on a brick wall after writing 10,000 words in a sitting, and I've been binge-writing for years.

Poor Reason 8: If I can write 50,000 words, I can do anything.

Then I would like a unicorn, please.

The truth is, to someone who doesn't write a lot, 50,000 words seems like a lot of words. It's a lot longer than a term paper, anyway, and it's about something that you like. But a novel isn't just words. Novels aren't about filling pages and pages with words that have no meaning. Novels take at least some planning, some foresight, and so much editing. Self editing. Reader editing. Editor editing. Editing. 50,000 words, after editing, may end up only 20,000 words. It may end up only 200 words.

It is a lot of words, but it isn't even half of the process.

Why am I making such a focus on the novel, and not the words? What did you say, it's not about writing a novel, or being a "real novelist" or... what? It's called National NOVEL WRITING Month, not National WRITE A LOT OF WORDS Month, although the latter is way more accurate. I thought of some other alternate names:

1. National Write 50,000 Words Month
2. National Freak Out About Word Count Month
3. National Excuse to Tweet About My Plot Month
4. National Adjunct to No Shave November: Instead of Shaving, Let's Write Lots and Lots of Words But Pretend We're Not Serious About It
   

Obviously, the most grief I'll give NaNo is the obsession with wordcount. It's not the size that matters! Right in the website's statement, it basically says that it's not about quality, it's about quantity. Who in their right mind would enjoy reading a book that's 800 pages of crap?

Yes, you have to get it out. A wise man once said, it takes a million bad words to get to the good stuff. Just like it takes a lot of really wimpy pushups to get sweet guns. It's about exercise. And if NaNo is your exercise, then I just warn you that if you only do NaNo during November, it will take you 20 years to get your million bad words out. So start counting.

And finally, Poor Reason 10, the Poorest of Them All: If I don't do NaNo, I will never write a book.

Don't say this. Ever. If it takes an internet event once a year for you to get the courage and energy to write a book, then you're not ready yet. If you have to wait until November so you can compete with other people to write, you're going to be more focused on the event and less focused on the topic and the goal. Stop tweeting your wordcounts. Stop running the word count period. It's not about words, it's not about the month, it's not about other people - it's about your novel.

So write it already, dammit.




P.S. I am already aware of this article and this response to it. And I disagree with them both. So there, nanny nanny boo boo.

P.P.S. About Yoko Ono being enchanting: I stand corrected. So it's Yoko Ono and NaNoWriMo. Funny, that's the title for my latest album.